SINGLE MOM: A MOM AND SINGLE

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Why do you say it like one is dependent on the other? Why am I a single mother, what bothers you most that I am single or that I have a child? My parenthood status is not bound to my relationship status. No matter where I am, what I am, how I am, with whom I am with, none of that affects my parenthood status. A child makes one a parent, and that does not change when the relationship situation changes. So, now that I am a single mother, will I then graduate to dating mother, married mother, a divorced mother or widowed mother?

The need to link the two baffles me. Why can’t a woman just be single and with child? The child part is the permanent fixture here. No matter what, she will forever be a parent. To try and link her relationship status to her child/ren is unfair and honestly a little ignorant.
I am not saying don’t disclose you have a duckling or ducklings, I am just saying that has no bearing on you being single. “Single mother”, almost suggests the child left you or you left the child, so, what are you looking for? A child to take up that empty space the other left? – I was a taken mother, but the child left, now I am a single mother…
Dating in this date and era is tough no doubt, we all come to the table with links and ties but before there was all that were you not an individual, with your own identity? At some point weren’t you just you and single…
What changed, why is it vital to link other variables to your individuality? YES! No way you don’t associate with them, however, should it be the first thing you say about yourself, or the first thing someone sees of you.

Him: So, are you dating?
Me: No, I am a single mom…

That just sounds off. Why bring up the innocent child that wasn’t part of the question into the question. If things seem to flow, let the fella know your linkages but at first instance, how about you just be you.
The minute that comes up, all focus shifts not into wanting to know you but to “show” what little prowess they have in the sector of being accomplished uncle, reliable guy or fun dad they can be. Unless you are out there looking for someone to fill in those “dad” boots, you have no business indulging in the vastness of parenthood with someone you probably wish took the time to get to you as an individual first.
And if by any craziness you are looking for a father figure, how about trying a counselor, community leader, church leader, member of the family, do not look for dads in people who cannot sit still long enough to learn a foreign language.

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Your child will forever be your child, your relationship status could be as vibrant as your imagination so why is it necessary to drag the little angel(s) into it!
Be a mom, be single and be unapologetic about it!

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From Strangers to Friends and back to Strangers

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Somebody asked me if I knew you. A million memories flashed through my mind, but I just smiled and said,” I used to.” — Author Unknown

Friendship is expensive, no argument there. It takes effort, commitment, and genuine concern to see a stranger become a familiar face and a friend. That term, however, has been used too loosely in the current times, but the essence of a friendship is still interdependence and voluntary participation, if I may say.

True friendship can take different forms depending on the reasons why concerned parties are friends. But in all circumstances and instances some core factors hold true, there must be a desire to engage, mutual interest (likes, dislikes, experiences, hobbies etc.) and the undeniable need to belong and connect.

You could meet someone, and they can mean so much to you, true friends are the family we choose. So, when the cookie starts to crumble, what then…

Human beings are not static, people change, perceptions change, expectations change, and sadly life happens. When you get at a crossroads in a friendship that has been there through rainy nights, treacherous turbulence, calm Sunday mornings and epic adventures, trying to cling and hold on is a natural reaction. No one hopes to see a good thing end. No one dreams of gloomy days when a friend becomes a stranger or a gut-wrenching distant memory.

It is normal to try and retrace the steps, see where the mishap happened. Create a time frame and pray for an alternative route. But, sad as it is… Things run their course! When the admiration, respect, trust, and support leave the building, honey it is time to pack up as well.

We meet people every day, first impressions can leave lasting imprints and that thrill of making a worthy connection is something to thrive in. So, no matter the past friendships that left a sour taste in your mouth, you can meet someone today who could have the best of intentions for you. So, fret not my darling, people come, people go…take the lessons and remember to breathe.

In this sick cycle of life, a friend is a silver lining. Despite the punches and the kicks, do not lose your innate nature of being a genuine friend.

Hi, I am Maureen and I have lost people I never thought I’d live without and in the same breath I have met people I never thought our paths would ever cross. At the end of the day, it is true that You cannot make old friends- Zadie Smith, Swing Time

LET THAT SHIT GO!

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It’s all about perspective

What is the point of holding on to all that bitterness and anger, what does it gain you to lose yourself and all the peace you could be enjoying by holding on to toxic emotions?

Continue reading LET THAT SHIT GO!

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