IF I WERE A BOY

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Don’t take this the wrong way but hey, I think bro’s are cool. Fall outs are normal but with boys they’d only fall out over global warming, missing weapons of mass destruction or something of the same magnitude of importance. We sisters on the other hand are on another parallel universe because we would gut you over our misplaced favorite turquoise lipstick liner….or you know, a more mundane, but “earth shattering thing she cannot live without.”
For boys, the fridge is empty because well, we ate it all not because last Wednesday we were to go shopping and instead you went and worked a night shift. Easy problems have easy solutions. The fridge is empty, let’s go and shop, the car is faulty; I will go and get if fixed. This however doesn’t occur to us ladies. The car gets a flat “I have been telling you for three months that my tyres are worn out, Now I will be late for the salon, I won’t make dinner in time, because I didn’t have time to shop, because you worked late that day we were supposed to shop, and because you don’t seem to have time for us, I will pick “toto” from school and we will go to my mom’s house.” Then I hang up and leave ‘bae’ with the WTF just happened look on his face.
If your girl uses any of these very common but very confusing statements your safest move is to ABORT MISSION!!!! “FINE”, “OK”, “GO RIGHT AHEAD”, “NO REALLY HAVE FUN” “IT’S OKAY, I DON’T MIND TAKING A MAT” I don’t know why we do it, usually with squinted eyes, arms crossed and the perfect angle of a smile.  The “I DARE YOU’ look at the ready, the armed forces cannot fathom the force behind those words. I think it is our way of asking to get your time and attention without looking needy and entitled. Piece of advice though; if you drive, She ALWAYS minds taking a mat.
And my favorite, getting ready, “honey five more minutes” well grab your unfinished cross word puzzle and get ready, the 50 step ritual is gonna be a while, awesomeness doesn’t just happen,  a simple tee, pants and loafers don’t fit the deal, lest you go ogling the mannequins.
I have tried putting myself in the shoes of boy since I started writing this piece, and I am Tired as FUCK!!!!
I think I will just go back to my team of ladies tormenting the living daylights out of you guys…… It is after all what we girls are best at.
If I were a boy………. Naaaaaah!!!!!!

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8 thoughts on “IF I WERE A BOY”

    1. Haha…very nice piece you have up thea thea cookie. We creatures of the male species are very hard to understand anf live with,bitter sweet kinda feeling……

      Like

  1. Hahaha….thats a very nice piece youve got thea. We female species tho are very hard to get along…..bitter sweet kinda feeling.

    Like

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