IN THE MIND OF AN ONLY CHILD

I am an only child. I have a sibling actually but still in many ways, I am an only child. I am the only legitimate daughter of my parents, and my brother is the holder of the title “heir” unchallenged and truly worthy.  The only son and first born of my dad and mom.
Growing up, we never had to compete for attention or affection. Each of us had defined slots and clearly marked territories. I was the baby of the house and he, well protector of the universe. He fought my fights, guided me, mocked me and occasionally showed affection, father’s right hand.
Then reality hit, (read growing up). I find that I am no longer the “baby of the house” as eventually everyone has to flee the nest to build their own…… find love in foreign lands and die trying to better the nest I grew up in.
They, (my love’s people) shared everything. His is a family of siblings. Unchartered waters for me. I knew my place but now I’m a lost Lamb. I don’t know how to fight over the curling iron or speak louder than the next person to be heard.  I don’t know how to sit up late with sisters talking over “whatever earth shattering thing the boys are up to”. But, here I am
I find myself needing to find a way to connect with my love’s people, For they are about to be my people. My brother constantly talking about “his People” automatically puts me in the “extended family” category. Sometimes, I feel like a motherless child.
They try to include me in their activities but I am yet to learn how to share my toys or hear about how theirs are cooler.  They try to make me feel included but bursting out of my nutshell is harder than you can imagine.
I have surrounded myself with girlfriends, some of whom feel like sisters, but it is not really the same. We share, gossip, build each other and every now and then fallout. At the end of it all, I go back to my spot curl up and the world is at peace. I understand the mechanics of having siblings guess am at the practical part of it. I guess it’s time to dig in and leave my safe place.
I am still my parents “only one”, still my daughter’s only mom, still my brother’s only sister and most definitely my love’s one and only true love (or so I choose to believe). That makes my slot pretty well defined and with them on my corner I believe the uncharted waters of siblings will be a breeze……

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