Been all around,East or West no where feels like home
I’ve searched and all I see is emptiness and dark horizons
Through it all my worthy companion the long road
Always there to help me look for where I belong
Always with options and new turns
No turn leads me home.
I’ll keep searching for my East or West
In this life one deserves a place to belong
May the open road forever be my companion and music be my soulfood
I JUST WANNA GO HOME
Am all for gender equality and women empowerment. I support the principle that it is based on but I have a serious problem with how women have become subjective with the term. Employment “gender equality “leadership “gender equality “, Providing shelter, Protection and General maintenance… Oh hold up ,that’s a man’s job. If you are going to take on everything then at least acknowledge it comes with it’s own set of responsibilities.
Back when societies actually functioned, both genders had set roles that they each had to play, forming a system that worked. This whole trying to be equal thing just complicates things, especially since ladies are trying to reap the perks that come with equality without putting in the effort that would make their male counterparts see them as equals.
He goes out there to keep the lights at home on and food on the table, well,before cursing him out on why he forgot your birthday, at least inquire how his day was. If we were to take on each others nitty gritty details trust me,the universe would rotate counter clockwise. It is my opinion that when one decides to take on commitments / relationships /situationships it is very vital to ask “in what capacity?”
Change the diapers ,cook the meals,clean and look good while doing so, in essence it’s all that goes into making a happy home. Let him hustle and grind,build you your dream house without the back talk all the time. Make him look forward to coming home and not leaving or gazing at national geographic instead of indulging in “Honey,I missed you today,”
We are faced with the challenge of making our relationships work because we have turned our homes into a battleground for superiority. The man is constantly under attack, and even when there is a ceasefire, he doesn’t know what next to expect so instead of taking off his armour to let her touch his skin, he keeps it on because he is accustomed to it.
Receive him with a smile, find out how his day was. Serve his dinner, or make it together -depends on how you two play best- make him feel at home. Confide in him about your insecurities, let him know you trust him. Make him understand that he can always confide in you. Get this balance, and he will empower you more than all the “affirmative action” types always thumping their chests asking to be handed half of everything.
We all go through the motions, one minute you want to be alone the next you want to be in the arms of the only one. More Often than not we just overlook the deeds of others, see them as normal and expected. It’s not until we are alone in bed, earphones plugged in and Ed Sheran going on about how it feels like to be loved is when we look within us and acknowledge we have been loved and we have loved and all the while missing the beauty of it all.
We miss and we are missed, so share the motions to keep the days brighter. Even in their absence break the boundaries. Reach out and say it…” I MISS YOU”.Worst case they don’t share your feelings and even then at least they know somewhere someone took the time to let the feeling take over even if it was just for a second. For that second all that mattered was you, in that second in a perfect world you two would be in a warm embrace. It may seem minute but it’s one of the most special things two (or more) people can share.
It doesn’t matter why you drifted apart, or moved away. It doesn’t matter if they are next to you yet feel like miles apart. All that matters is that they still matter to you. Say a silent prayer that the memories never forsake you or the feelings get lost too. Pray that in the same way you miss then,they at least Remember how it was when all there was was the two of you.
Finally, smile and be glad for at least you have the memories and the love and affection cannot be taken from you, Unless you choose to let them go….
HOLD ON,See them when you close your eyes. Feel them when you fall asleep.
It seems some of my views expressed here may have hit a raw nerve here and there, and hey, what type of writer would I be if I didn’t occasionally elicit that effect from people? I frankly do not expect anyone to understand how I pick my topics or how I process information and share it on this blog or any other platform. What I expect my readers to understand is that what I share is MY VIEW, MY OPINION and right or wrong I am at liberty to express it.
My feelings on the topics I’ve tackled remain unchanged but for the purpose of those who feel targeted by the delivery of my opinions, I write this one to clear things up. So this is a direct message to you, unlike any of my earlier work which wasn’t at all directed at anyone specific.
There is a lot more than one person’s perspective or opinion on any matter. When I share my experiences it is based on how I perceive them and my opinions therefore are based on that. If there is another person who shared the experience but saw it in a different perspective, and they too wished to express their opinion of it, you would not see me carrying a placard and baying for their blood.
Now, as much as some things may be a bitter pill to swallow, all that a writer will do is write. It is upon the reader to take the time and read and give their thoughts. We can’t please everyone, I personally gave up on that when I realized that it would mean going against my beliefs and my knowledge of right and wrong.
To put this to rest, I should just say that my thoughts are my own!! If for one reason or the other they aren’t in alignment with yours, Its fine. I won’t hate you for it or try to force you to change. I wouldn’t expect you to try and change mine either. There is plenty of room in this universe to accommodate more than one opinion.
I choose to share mine and more often than not, I do get others that think the same. So instead of putting energy into personalizing my work and playing hurt and disrespected, Rise above it. Give room to the beauty of diversity and embrace different views…
We all meet ‘the one’ but often discredit him/her on bases that have been set by society, family or own expectations, but when your ideologies and those of your significant other align regardless of family, society or expectations, then take the risk and prove them wrong. Get off your wagon and take the risk to see what lies beyond your comfort zone. The need to build an empire and a future is ever so real but it makes the journey worthwhile if you have someone that shares your vision or better yet encourages and supports even your most outrageous dreams.
It’s not everyday that someone gives you their shoulder to lean on or a hand on a rough road. So appreciate the one that has been there for genuine reasons and utter respect for your ambition and wild ways . Show that you are far beyond set expectations and goals by your so called inner circle.
Follow your dreams and bring your support along. Together get to Enjoy the fruit of your labor and as you toast to your favourite drink, everything else will be in the rearview mirror… Smiling all the way to a life well lived.
So recently I had the pleasure,-maybe not so much-, of taking part in the preparation of a dowry/bride price visit. I am yet to recover from the shock!!!!!!! At what point did a young couple’s intention to get married become a get rich scheme for the bride’s clan and a crippling endeavor for the other family (read groom). How do the so called elders sit around in a circle and come up with this things!!!! Perhaps my experience was one sided, maybe there is a rational and reasonable criteria that they apply to come up with their list of demands. All I ask is if by any chance, however slim, such a criteria exists, let someone share it with me!!!!
I acknowledge that you value your daughter. I also acknowledge that you may have an urge to value your daughter equivalently to a small island in the Caribbean, but get this; the fine young man that your daughter brought home to all-so-proudly introduce comes from a family, much like yours that probably places way more value on him than you can muster for your daughter.
What makes this even more saddening is that none of these outrageous sums of money (always put across as heads of cattle or goats) goes to the couple. This leaves the new couple waist deep in dowry debt and with a wedding to plan that will bury what’s left of them in about 3-5years of debt if they are lucky.
I am okay with dowry, but not as a payment, or as a debt to settle. Call me crazy but I think it should only be a token of appreciation for allowing your daughter to join her husband’s family and hey, He Who Finds a Wife Finds A Good Thing, if I could quote the good book. I just didn’t know the going rate for a daughter changes more dynamically than the shilling fluctuates to the dollar. Human trafficking might be illegal, but sit through one of these dowry shindigs and you will realize they got sleek with it.
Gone are the days we gave birth to kids to get cheap manual labor or be regarded as wealthy. The same way you struggled to educate your girl is the same way someone else did for their son. The young man wouldn’t even be eligible in your daughter’s eyes were it not for someone’s struggle. So, when this someone accord’s you the respect of visiting your home, to ask you to allow his son to marry your daughter, the least you can do is respect their struggle and be freaking realistic.
The greatest gift you can receive from and for your children is gratitude and appreciation, and these are things that are shown in many ways and often come with sincerity and a kind heart. You will not get the same if you demand and solicit for undeserved goodies only because your daughter fell in love. So kindly resist all urges of plunging your child’s matrimonial life in the drain even before it starts.
Last but not least,
Dear almost married lady, you have all the power to speak your peace and get your folks in order because if you can’t and they decide to make it their retirement fund, it can only end in two ways;
He decides you are not worth the drama and the cost and walks
Or he bares the weight and you start marriage with a list of debts longer than the voters register…..