Source: Dear Self
I asked and I received, sought and found and now the sky truly is the limit. For the longest time I never felt like I belonged, always on the move seeking for a place to belong. Sure growing up and to date I have a place in my parents’ home, I had a glorious love filled childhood but for some time got to a place I felt lost.
All round my peers are making ground breaking achievements and here I was wasting away, everything I touched broke, business didn’t work as I hoped, relationships felt more like constrains and all I had was the stare my child gives me, like I’m invincible, I can do everything, I know everything. If only she could see how broken I am.
I went down on my knees and sought for a purpose, something to make me feel alive again, and truly there is a place for everyone on the open road. We don’t all blossom at the rate, we don’t all have it together. But for everything under the sun there is a purpose, for everything there is a season and a reason. Patience hasn’t always been my best trait, it’s a humble lesson life has taught me, now the sky is the limit, the opportunities ahead can only be limited by my imagination , the possibilities are immense and the joy to finally belong immeasurable.
Whatever the journey, the pain, the struggle. It can be conquered, I have found that I am my strongest when I am down on my knees. It doesn’t matter what happens around you but what happens within you. How you choose to process that around you, whether it will motivate you to better yourself or propel you on a down ward spiral of self-distraction and harsh criticism. I keep saying if the picture and the vision is clear in your head, don’t give up!!!!!
Details of my adventure will be shared in coming posts….
“I never really gave up on breaking out of this two-star town, I got the green light, I got a little fight , I’m gonna turn this thing around”- Read my mind (Killers)
Often I escape from my mind, looking for something/someplace to run away to. If I could, I’d just pack a back-pack and let the road be my guide, if not for a long while at least for a while, to just be on the open road with a good book and music. Meet people along the way, interact with different cultures,different world views, see what else is out there, what else is beyond my confines.
If I had the opportunity, the greatest thing in the world would be to see beyond the horizon. A clean slate would be an awesome experience too, to reinvent myself away from the scenes and sights of the past but do we ever run away from who we are/were….do we ever get to just drop everything and re-brand.
It’s not all bad, not all in vain, though the dream to leave is alive and well there are things and people I cannot live behind. Forever carry them in my heart and close to my spirit:
The friends that have remained loyal amidst all the hardships
Family that has always been there even when they didn’t agree with me
Acquaintances that have given me a helping hand and mostly
My daughter for giving me the will to soldier on and a strong unbreakable heart that hasn’t faltered so far…
I’d love to get away, far away to a place I don’t know, maybe that place is in changing how I think and how I perceive the world around me ,or maybe it’s in getting the courage to leave my safe place, pick a destination, get a ticket and just venture out, worst case I come back to mama’s embrace certain that home truly is where the heart thrives.
Time will tell
I recently found myself going through photos on my computer, and to my shock and delight, discovered I have 70 GB worth of baby pictures and clips. What caught my eye though, is in most of the pictures my Kourtney is hardly ever alone.
My baby is always smiling and there always are cheerful faces next to her. There is always a warm hug and a clear show of affection for her. I am pleased that Kourtney is surrounded by family and friends that love and appreciate her. I can’t help but be thankful. We meet people along the way and we do not give credit to the impact they have in our lives.
The guy at the coffee shop you share a smile with, perhaps he provides that positivity that you so desperately need to start off your day, or it could be the mother with her kids on the evening bus home, there is never a dull moment around kids, just the distraction gets you over a long day.
Scrolling through these photos I can’t help but smile, some people I saw, only I didn’t know that would be the last time I ever saw them. I am glad they graced mine and my daughter’s life. That one picture will be proof that on that day that person cared enough to spend their time with us.
We lose people along the way its normal, its expected but it doesn’t make the loss any less painful, and it doesn’t make missing them any less real.
Looking at all the evident memories over the years, the change is evident. I have transitioned from receiving hugs and kisses to giving them. I have gone from being cheered up to cheering those around me. I wasn’t aware of how much I have amassed over time, it’s a good reminder that though at times I feel as though I fall short, every second I get to be with her is cherished and well documented.
To all we meet on our journey through life, to those that become permanent fixtures and to those whom we lose along the way and to those we reconnect with, the pleasure of crossing paths is greatly welcomed.
Memories are made of these!!!
70 GB and counting, life is for the living
Thoughts become things
Science has come a long way in explaining the universe as it is, why things are the way they are and further so in discrediting religion, so when it comes to defending your belief, how knowledgeable are you?
Science takes pride in facts and ability to explain critically and dare I say pragmatically, but science can only go so far. Scientists have come and gone, technology improved from time to time yet there is always an “UNKNOWN” variable. Waiting for the next big break to uncover it yet with every success a new challenge rises.
Simple concept of belief, the one thing that carries religion, provides comfort and solace. Belief in the greater master plan of God, just because the pieces don’t fit now doesn’t mean there is no point to it all. Whatever path one chooses in the end it will all make sense.
Defending religion is not easy, someone once asked me,” If He knew you before you were born, knows you by name, knows the choices you’ll make, then what is the point of it all?”
This caught me off guard, then got me thinking, deeply, while pondering on this is when I appreciated that the picture may not be clear, but whatever choice I make (freewill) am bound to fall within my predetermined destiny. So the only response I could come up with is, I believe in Him who created me. It is not my place to doubt/question or ignore His will, “May His will be done.” It’s easy to punch holes into something you don’t fully understand, it provokes curiosity but when you get to the end of the rope and there is still something left to uncover, appreciate there are greater forces in play.
Acknowledging there is a difference between religion and spirituality, which religion to be affiliated with is subject to self, but that inner calling, your spirituality, your moral center that can only come from a greater connection to something supernatural.
With the continued advancement in Science and technology, God is the same Yesterday, Today and forever. We keep reinventing Him and how we worship, seek, question and discredit Him but His true nature has never changed, so why then from time immemorial hasn’t science answered everything……
Disclaimer: I respect all religious affiliations or lack thereof
Thoughts become things
It gets to a point, at some point, where only you understand the path you are on. You may have taken a few hits along the way, may have lost a few cheers and gained more critics. None of this though, should ever be enough to make you let go of your dreams.
If at first only you had the idea and the end game, and you sold it to a few and later lost them along the way, do not throw in the towel. The hits may be tough, sometimes almost crippling, but if the voice within still tells you to take that next step, then get up, and as painful as it maybe, take it. You will at least have learnt “How not to go about it”
It is painful when those on your corner decide you are a lost cause, and then your “Ride or Die” puts little or no effort in soldering you on. In the end, all that matters is your belief, your goals, your ambition and maybe that extra cup of coffee that goes great in burning the midnight oil.
Crack your numbers, and if you are not a numbers person, strategize, seek advice from the relevant sources, borrow, pay back, learn, and as you move on up acknowledge what progress you have made however little. Understand that despite all the hits all you need is one win and everything else falls in place.
All you need is that one win!!! Work hard and most importantly work smart!! It all started somewhere no big corporation came into existence from thin air…..PUT IN THE WORK!!!
Thoughts become things