Category Archives: My 2 cents

EYE ON THE PRIZE 

Don’t be fooled my dear, no two stories will be absolutely alike. Your journey may be similar to someone else’s but never will they be completely the same. 

Let no one take your joy or your triumph on the basis of what they have achieved or accomplished. Their experiences are theirs you can learn from them or choose to emulate them either way don’t look down  on yourself for the far you have come.

Material possessions aren’t the only measure of success, neither is family, success is what you as an individual strive to achieve. Could be quitting addiction, changing careers, starting a family, getting out of an abusive relationship etc. Whatever you deem success to be to you…..keep your eyes on the prize!!

No matter what, your best competitor is whom  you were yesterday, strive to be better. 

WINE PLEASE

Can’t take for granted the pressure that comes with being integrated into your spouse’s life. Trying to figure out what position you hold in the pack can be quite intriguing. 
Every now and then the “boys” want to have a couples evening and most times the ladies aren’t as acquainted with each other as the boys. The boys are the reason WAGS come together. 

Recently I found myself at a loss. Sitted at a corner with just my bottle of wine..coz…who needs a glass? Staring into oblivion of my own making wondering who the hell  I am in this equation.

From my own research (read reality shows). Every dynamic has some of this….

There’s always that one that is the loudest and makes you wanna take double shots just to mute her in your head. She is funny no doubt but in very tiny doses. 

The light weight who taps out first and is off to cause mayhem hopefully with her significant other coz again who has time?

The miss goodie two shoes who has all the answers to everything marriage , parenthood, career choices and recipes but doesn’t seem to have a grip in her own affairs. Don’t get wrong I totally believe in ‘Do as I say not as I do ‘ but sometimes let’s just say ‘Do as I do not as I say’….or just let us watch what all those self help books have come handy….(not) 

So for now as I gather my thoughts I think am okay being the one that hoards the wine or whatever other position they may have conjured in their mind. Oh dear Lord hope am not the boring one, seeing as I’m the one sitted in a corner having a conversation with my wine….then again I’m overly hilarious in my head, no way am the boring one.

One thing for sure, it is never a dull moment when the boys decide to let all of us come together. I am forced to believe this is in attempt to make us believe this is what they do even in our absence…..why are this setups so predictable anyway?….where is the tiger? Why aren’t we stealing a cop car? Where is the crazy ex who somehow shows up from nowhere? 

Well, lemme take another chill pill…better yet where’s the wine I seem to be running low….

2016 IN REVIEW

“Even at your highest seek Him” 
Almost done with this calendar, going in I had resolutions and strategies. Honestly most didn’t make it to the second week.I got an early lesson in keeping the faith, living a day at a time and focusing on happiness- seems too simplistic now, but then it was a daunting task. 

Accepting your position does not necessarily mean dwelling on it or claiming it. It simply means you are not blind to your predicaments (if any) or happiness (if so, keep it up) . In my case it was the previous. Taking charge of my situation worked for me, looking back it is almost like a fantasy novel. 

The damsel in distress, went and saved herself. The unhappy, burdened mother learnt to accept help where necessary and enjoy motherhood. The girlfriend that felt unappreciated took a closer look into the mirror and identified the log. The struggling student, well still struggles because postgraduate ain’t no joke! But now with a working support system…😃😃

This year has by far been one for the record books for me. I’m now aware of who I am, who I want to be and above all who I believe in. Truly He is Lord of Lords. As we Celebrate Christmas let Christ be born in your heart.  Remember it’s about the birth of Christ not Santa sliding down the chimney…..

NOW Vs THEN

It’s easy to get swamped with life and its intricacies once  you take the leap to share your life with someone. More often than not I find myself staring at the mirror wondering if I recognize the person staring back. Other times I cannot get over how I have changed, from the individual who thought on linear basis , ” What are the repercussions to me?” (Most times I did it anyway) to someone who considers her partner, my life isn’t mine to gamble with, decisions not only impact me but my partner too. 

Some decisions I hate but it’s what’s right for the ‘team’, and in all sincerity the ‘team’ should come first.  Some I cannot make alone because I could be none the wiser and others are so obvious its amazing! 

It is easy to disregard consciously or unconsciously what your every day routine reflects on your spouse. You can tell a lot about a person by what they choose to do in the absence of their spouse. Sure, walk around naked ever so often, sing off tune in the shower , dance with the girls or ride with the boys….keep doing you to bring out the best in both of you. Let it not be for show that you hold hands, laugh heartly or talk to each other kindly. Let it be who you people are on and off the camera.

Your life does not seize being yours just because you choose to say ‘Yes/ I do’ it does however reflect on your better half. Relationships can be happy and marriage beautiful just choose to be…..

​OUR MONEY FACADE

The dictionary defines “Ours” as A form of the possessive case of WE.
With this in mind it is not unusual to assume that “our money” simply means joint custody or joint ownership. Everything that pertains to “Our money” should clearly fall under full disclosure ( I figure as much). Like a child ,said money needs nurturing, tendering and when let out to play the owners must be careful what kind of friends it makes lest it gets submerged in bad company or worse lost for good. It takes all parties to ensure that the do’s and don’ts as pertains to the money are adhered to. As enticing as it is to show off the money in terms of designer clothes, posh cars,  cool gadgets,happening hang out places, someone has to remember to leave some for the family home,children’s education and general necessities that sustain human life. Duh!

It is often misconstrued that “Our money “is a string to pull every time one party needs the other to tow the line,  amour every time there is a conflict , argument or discourse. The one bullet in the barrel that one is sure will cripple and maim. Now, all the goodies about “Our money” have been turned to a bull’s eye. One where the aim is predetermined and the cause and effect earth shuttering. 

One second plans of grandeur are not so absurd the next second visuals of withering and dying from hunger and homelessness are eminent. It sounds almost ridiculous but most couples reality. The bread winner goes out and wins the hell out of the breads, in efforts to “ grow my family”, only within the confines of their  walls it becomes gateway to “My way or the high way”. 

It  is said that even the loyal, hardworking donkey tires at some time. The bullet in the barrel could as easily become another case of “shooting yourself in the foot”. Money comes and money goes, once one realizes no one individual owns all the money in the world, disarming the armed becomes a possibility.

“Our money” remains ours even when we are using separate pillows, it does not become a hangman noose .  It’s ours or it was never ours to begin with.

 

I’M ALL CHOCKED UP AND YOU’RE OK

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Missing you comes in waves tonight am drowning

It never occurred to me that a time would come when my heart would literally be yanked out of my body . Leaving hurt I can’t wish on my worst enemy. The love of a child is something one can explain only through experience.

Trying to lengthen that leash and widening the child’s circle is not an easy task. Everyday I woke up to her face, every night I fell asleep with her tucked tight next to me.

Tonight she is miles away with her grandparents.She is in excellent care but I keep tossing and turning and wondering how can she be so OK when separation anxiety is driving me crazy. How can I be this ball of emotion when it’s evident how greatly I appreciate my own grandparents and time spent with them.

We would love to always be with them but it is important for children to learn and know their heritage , know where they come from and learn to cope with different surroundings. It’s vital that they experience a diverse view of the world . It will not be easy letting go but ,”No man is an island.”

Tonight I toss and turn , tomorrow when we talk on the phone she will have a story for me. Story of how different things are where she is, what excited her , what she didn’t like  , what she didn’t understand and I will rest easier knowing she is OK and at least grasping something different from her norm.

It takes a village to raise a child, no matter where we are in life ,the fundamental/core values will always be traced back to where we come from and who better to help instill those values than the ones who instilled them in us?

❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤