Why do you say it like one is dependent on the other? Why am I a single mother, what bothers you most that I am single or that I have a child? My parenthood status is not bound to my relationship status. No matter where I am, what I am, how I am, with whom I am with, none of that affects my parenthood status. A child makes one a parent, and that does not change when the relationship situation changes. So, now that I am a single mother, will I then graduate to dating mother, married mother, a divorced mother or widowed mother?
The need to link the two baffles me. Why can’t a woman just be single and with child? The child part is the permanent fixture here. No matter what, she will forever be a parent. To try and link her relationship status to her child/ren is unfair and honestly a little ignorant.
I am not saying don’t disclose you have a duckling or ducklings, I am just saying that has no bearing on you being single. “Single mother”, almost suggests the child left you or you left the child, so, what are you looking for? A child to take up that empty space the other left? – I was a taken mother, but the child left, now I am a single mother…
Dating in this date and era is tough no doubt, we all come to the table with links and ties but before there was all that were you not an individual, with your own identity? At some point weren’t you just you and single…
What changed, why is it vital to link other variables to your individuality? YES! No way you don’t associate with them, however, should it be the first thing you say about yourself, or the first thing someone sees of you.
Him: So, are you dating?
Me: No, I am a single mom…
That just sounds off. Why bring up the innocent child that wasn’t part of the question into the question. If things seem to flow, let the fella know your linkages but at first instance, how about you just be you.
The minute that comes up, all focus shifts not into wanting to know you but to “show” what little prowess they have in the sector of being accomplished uncle, reliable guy or fun dad they can be. Unless you are out there looking for someone to fill in those “dad” boots, you have no business indulging in the vastness of parenthood with someone you probably wish took the time to get to you as an individual first.
And if by any craziness you are looking for a father figure, how about trying a counselor, community leader, church leader, member of the family, do not look for dads in people who cannot sit still long enough to learn a foreign language.
Your child will forever be your child, your relationship status could be as vibrant as your imagination so why is it necessary to drag the little angel(s) into it!
Be a mom, be single and be unapologetic about it!