Category Archives: My 2 cents

SINGLE MOM: A MOM AND SINGLE

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Why do you say it like one is dependent on the other? Why am I a single mother, what bothers you most that I am single or that I have a child? My parenthood status is not bound to my relationship status. No matter where I am, what I am, how I am, with whom I am with, none of that affects my parenthood status. A child makes one a parent, and that does not change when the relationship situation changes. So, now that I am a single mother, will I then graduate to dating mother, married mother, a divorced mother or widowed mother?

The need to link the two baffles me. Why can’t a woman just be single and with child? The child part is the permanent fixture here. No matter what, she will forever be a parent. To try and link her relationship status to her child/ren is unfair and honestly a little ignorant.
I am not saying don’t disclose you have a duckling or ducklings, I am just saying that has no bearing on you being single. “Single mother”, almost suggests the child left you or you left the child, so, what are you looking for? A child to take up that empty space the other left? – I was a taken mother, but the child left, now I am a single mother…
Dating in this date and era is tough no doubt, we all come to the table with links and ties but before there was all that were you not an individual, with your own identity? At some point weren’t you just you and single…
What changed, why is it vital to link other variables to your individuality? YES! No way you don’t associate with them, however, should it be the first thing you say about yourself, or the first thing someone sees of you.

Him: So, are you dating?
Me: No, I am a single mom…

That just sounds off. Why bring up the innocent child that wasn’t part of the question into the question. If things seem to flow, let the fella know your linkages but at first instance, how about you just be you.
The minute that comes up, all focus shifts not into wanting to know you but to “show” what little prowess they have in the sector of being accomplished uncle, reliable guy or fun dad they can be. Unless you are out there looking for someone to fill in those “dad” boots, you have no business indulging in the vastness of parenthood with someone you probably wish took the time to get to you as an individual first.
And if by any craziness you are looking for a father figure, how about trying a counselor, community leader, church leader, member of the family, do not look for dads in people who cannot sit still long enough to learn a foreign language.

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Your child will forever be your child, your relationship status could be as vibrant as your imagination so why is it necessary to drag the little angel(s) into it!
Be a mom, be single and be unapologetic about it!

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From Strangers to Friends and back to Strangers

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Somebody asked me if I knew you. A million memories flashed through my mind, but I just smiled and said,” I used to.” — Author Unknown

Friendship is expensive, no argument there. It takes effort, commitment, and genuine concern to see a stranger become a familiar face and a friend. That term, however, has been used too loosely in the current times, but the essence of a friendship is still interdependence and voluntary participation, if I may say.

True friendship can take different forms depending on the reasons why concerned parties are friends. But in all circumstances and instances some core factors hold true, there must be a desire to engage, mutual interest (likes, dislikes, experiences, hobbies etc.) and the undeniable need to belong and connect.

You could meet someone, and they can mean so much to you, true friends are the family we choose. So, when the cookie starts to crumble, what then…

Human beings are not static, people change, perceptions change, expectations change, and sadly life happens. When you get at a crossroads in a friendship that has been there through rainy nights, treacherous turbulence, calm Sunday mornings and epic adventures, trying to cling and hold on is a natural reaction. No one hopes to see a good thing end. No one dreams of gloomy days when a friend becomes a stranger or a gut-wrenching distant memory.

It is normal to try and retrace the steps, see where the mishap happened. Create a time frame and pray for an alternative route. But, sad as it is… Things run their course! When the admiration, respect, trust, and support leave the building, honey it is time to pack up as well.

We meet people every day, first impressions can leave lasting imprints and that thrill of making a worthy connection is something to thrive in. So, no matter the past friendships that left a sour taste in your mouth, you can meet someone today who could have the best of intentions for you. So, fret not my darling, people come, people go…take the lessons and remember to breathe.

In this sick cycle of life, a friend is a silver lining. Despite the punches and the kicks, do not lose your innate nature of being a genuine friend.

Hi, I am Maureen and I have lost people I never thought I’d live without and in the same breath I have met people I never thought our paths would ever cross. At the end of the day, it is true that You cannot make old friends- Zadie Smith, Swing Time

Turning 29 – 4 don’ts and a do!!

It is so easy to point out the things that didn’t go according to plan, even easier to beat oneself up about it. What is not easy is accepting and moving on.

Continue reading Turning 29 – 4 don’ts and a do!!

LET THAT SHIT GO!

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It’s all about perspective

What is the point of holding on to all that bitterness and anger, what does it gain you to lose yourself and all the peace you could be enjoying by holding on to toxic emotions?

Continue reading LET THAT SHIT GO!

I TOLD YOU I’LL DO IT

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It’s not enough to say you want to see change, it’s not enough to cling to a fantasy and hope someday you will live to actualize it. You owe yourself more than hope with no actions, dreams with no plans, and definitely, you deserve to live to see yourself fulfill your highest potential.

So gear up, fold your sleeves and get on with your goals. Climb that mountain, make those friends, shed that weight, get that degree, get that job, it does not matter what sets your soul on fire, get up and get going.

Enough with the self-doubt and the never-ending self-questions. Dare to let it all go and find that which sets your soul a flame. There is a lot to uncover on the other side of doubt and fear of the known.

One foot in infront of the other, the steeper the better the view from the top.

Dream, plan, execute.

Do and live to tell the tale of how you conquered!

 

Do not go gentle into that goodnight

“Do not go gentle into that good night”- Dylan Thomas One of my favorite poems, one of my most enlightening poems.

A few thoughts on it:

Often times we see change coming, from a distance, that deep wrenching gut feeling, that dire need for change, often times we ignore it.

Maybe the need is needed but is it necessary, maybe it is inevitable but is it welcomed? Depends, sometimes it is for the better, if not well, lesson learned.

When it is that gut-wrenching feeling to strive for change then, by all means, fight the fear and forge forward. In the least bit, you know what the route taken holds why not try a different direction.

Do not settle for mediocre, unhappy, unsatisfactory, unfulfilled, there is a whole other world on the other side of change. Flowers that blossom, butterflies flapping, that rose that bestows petals with less stingy thorns.

Fight death, in whatever form it manifests itself in your existence. Fight for you.

“Though wise men at their end know dark is right,
Because their words had forked no lightning they
Do not go gentle into that good night.”

Choose you over and over and be unapologetic about it, when the time comes that it’s unavoidable to hang the towel, you will be content you faced and lived this life on your own terms and conditions. Content to forever have your memories with you, in the end, that is all we have … if we are lucky.

QUIET THE SILENCE

The silence woke her, it was never this quiet, where did it all go? Suddenly her surrounding is silent but the voices in her head too loud. 
The many faces, the many voices, the endless places and adventures all gone. All she has now is silence and it drives her insane. 

Startled, she rose from her mid day gaze at the television, something she once loved, how is it that the silence is so loud that she can’t even hear her favorite show….

Staring into nothingness wondering at what point  she lost herself in this manner. Was it the time she prioritized her child (put her before herself)?, No can’t be it, what mother would ever admit to loosing herself to her child. It’s what parenting is ….right? Their happiness and comfort before your own. That cannot be it….can it?

Maybe it’s when she packed her entire life, which surprisingly fit two suitcases and crossed rivers, crossed county boundaries , passed wildlife along the way all in efforts to be with her one true love, what else matters when you are to be with your “ever after”?, isn’t that the essence of life? (How is it that in this nothingness not even that picture seems worthwhile). Then again, that cannot be the point she lost herself, that was the point of clarity, where all the past was just that, the past, she was with whom she was meant to be with, the point she found herself for sure, or maybe she lost herself to a picture perfect forever, a picture.

It’s possible she lost herself trying to fit in, in these foreign waters. Foreign place with foreign practices and a clear urge to not stand  out. 

Maybe she wasn’t meant to fit in but stand out. This is her place now, she had to fit in, while struggling to, a lot went silent, her friends slowly became distant whispers , family became a place she showed how well she was , her will for adventure became the wishes of a child, the house that was meant to be a home became her prison.

 Everything is quiet everything except the prisoner in her mind. It is not clear at what point everything went silent, one this is clear though, the silence is too loud and it has woken her. Maybe tomorrow the voices will quiet down and she will regain herself.

Maybe tomorrow she will remember how it was, what it felt like to be alive, when words flowed freely, when writing wasn’t an escape rather an experience with every article, when a drink was to pass time with friends and not pass time so she isn’t too into her mind. Her mind is a dark place, a place she cannot bare be in alone, maybe tomorrow she will find the will to pick herself up from the trenches of her mind, put on a floral dress, red lipstick and comfy flip-flops, and just walk out the door.

The world is receptive, lock yourself in and it will all pass you by, open the door, smell the dust, take in the noise from all the buzz of activities around, the first step is getting ready, somewhere along the way , she will know where to go and how to get there. Well, finding a new spot to sit and stare at the laptop wondering how to write might just be her new beginning and free wifi never hurt anyone…..

Waiter: What will you be having?

Her: whiskey, neat.

And so it begins…