Category Archives: writing

QUIET THE SILENCE

The silence woke her, it was never this quiet, where did it all go? Suddenly her surrounding is silent but the voices in her head too loud. 
The many faces, the many voices, the endless places and adventures all gone. All she has now is silence and it drives her insane. 

Startled, she rose from her mid day gaze at the television, something she once loved, how is it that the silence is so loud that she can’t even hear her favorite show….

Staring into nothingness wondering at what point  she lost herself in this manner. Was it the time she prioritized her child (put her before herself)?, No can’t be it, what mother would ever admit to loosing herself to her child. It’s what parenting is ….right? Their happiness and comfort before your own. That cannot be it….can it?

Maybe it’s when she packed her entire life, which surprisingly fit two suitcases and crossed rivers, crossed county boundaries , passed wildlife along the way all in efforts to be with her one true love, what else matters when you are to be with your “ever after”?, isn’t that the essence of life? (How is it that in this nothingness not even that picture seems worthwhile). Then again, that cannot be the point she lost herself, that was the point of clarity, where all the past was just that, the past, she was with whom she was meant to be with, the point she found herself for sure, or maybe she lost herself to a picture perfect forever, a picture.

It’s possible she lost herself trying to fit in, in these foreign waters. Foreign place with foreign practices and a clear urge to not stand  out. 

Maybe she wasn’t meant to fit in but stand out. This is her place now, she had to fit in, while struggling to, a lot went silent, her friends slowly became distant whispers , family became a place she showed how well she was , her will for adventure became the wishes of a child, the house that was meant to be a home became her prison.

 Everything is quiet everything except the prisoner in her mind. It is not clear at what point everything went silent, one this is clear though, the silence is too loud and it has woken her. Maybe tomorrow the voices will quiet down and she will regain herself.

Maybe tomorrow she will remember how it was, what it felt like to be alive, when words flowed freely, when writing wasn’t an escape rather an experience with every article, when a drink was to pass time with friends and not pass time so she isn’t too into her mind. Her mind is a dark place, a place she cannot bare be in alone, maybe tomorrow she will find the will to pick herself up from the trenches of her mind, put on a floral dress, red lipstick and comfy flip-flops, and just walk out the door.

The world is receptive, lock yourself in and it will all pass you by, open the door, smell the dust, take in the noise from all the buzz of activities around, the first step is getting ready, somewhere along the way , she will know where to go and how to get there. Well, finding a new spot to sit and stare at the laptop wondering how to write might just be her new beginning and free wifi never hurt anyone…..

Waiter: What will you be having?

Her: whiskey, neat.

And so it begins…

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CONSTANT CHOICES

She chose you once, ages ago, she chooses you again over and over.Not for what you do for her, not for what you are to her.She chooses you for what she is with you.She chooses you for what her world is without you.

Countless times she chose to let go, countless times she failed.Time and again she cried, tears of happiness, tears of anger and frustrations.She chooses to hold on, for even roses have thorns.

A simple perfect rose is all she has, it is all she needs.A rose she knows where all the thorns are and how deep they prick.A rose she can’t picture missing from her.
Enough times she’s arraigned herself in front of herself.Her own judge, jury and executioner

Wake up darling, time is up, this chapter is done,

No, this isn’t a chapter; it’s the whole damn book

This is not worth reading 

You are the writer, not the reader

It is what you say it is, put it down or change the plot.
She is a girl in love; she is a girl in love.She made her choice then and never regretted, not once, Well maybe when her love hurts, hurts so bad but still her love.So no, she has never regretted.This is not the once in a while kind of love.It’s the once in a lifetime kind of connection.
So she keeps choosing you, over and over

Because in the end …

FIND WHAT YOU LOVE AND LET IT KILL YOU

EYE ON THE PRIZE 

Don’t be fooled my dear, no two stories will be absolutely alike. Your journey may be similar to someone else’s but never will they be completely the same. 

Let no one take your joy or your triumph on the basis of what they have achieved or accomplished. Their experiences are theirs you can learn from them or choose to emulate them either way don’t look down  on yourself for the far you have come.

Material possessions aren’t the only measure of success, neither is family, success is what you as an individual strive to achieve. Could be quitting addiction, changing careers, starting a family, getting out of an abusive relationship etc. Whatever you deem success to be to you…..keep your eyes on the prize!!

No matter what, your best competitor is whom  you were yesterday, strive to be better. 

WINE PLEASE

Can’t take for granted the pressure that comes with being integrated into your spouse’s life. Trying to figure out what position you hold in the pack can be quite intriguing. 
Every now and then the “boys” want to have a couples evening and most times the ladies aren’t as acquainted with each other as the boys. The boys are the reason WAGS come together. 

Recently I found myself at a loss. Sitted at a corner with just my bottle of wine..coz…who needs a glass? Staring into oblivion of my own making wondering who the hell  I am in this equation.

From my own research (read reality shows). Every dynamic has some of this….

There’s always that one that is the loudest and makes you wanna take double shots just to mute her in your head. She is funny no doubt but in very tiny doses. 

The light weight who taps out first and is off to cause mayhem hopefully with her significant other coz again who has time?

The miss goodie two shoes who has all the answers to everything marriage , parenthood, career choices and recipes but doesn’t seem to have a grip in her own affairs. Don’t get wrong I totally believe in ‘Do as I say not as I do ‘ but sometimes let’s just say ‘Do as I do not as I say’….or just let us watch what all those self help books have come handy….(not) 

So for now as I gather my thoughts I think am okay being the one that hoards the wine or whatever other position they may have conjured in their mind. Oh dear Lord hope am not the boring one, seeing as I’m the one sitted in a corner having a conversation with my wine….then again I’m overly hilarious in my head, no way am the boring one.

One thing for sure, it is never a dull moment when the boys decide to let all of us come together. I am forced to believe this is in attempt to make us believe this is what they do even in our absence…..why are this setups so predictable anyway?….where is the tiger? Why aren’t we stealing a cop car? Where is the crazy ex who somehow shows up from nowhere? 

Well, lemme take another chill pill…better yet where’s the wine I seem to be running low….

NOW Vs THEN

It’s easy to get swamped with life and its intricacies once  you take the leap to share your life with someone. More often than not I find myself staring at the mirror wondering if I recognize the person staring back. Other times I cannot get over how I have changed, from the individual who thought on linear basis , ” What are the repercussions to me?” (Most times I did it anyway) to someone who considers her partner, my life isn’t mine to gamble with, decisions not only impact me but my partner too. 

Some decisions I hate but it’s what’s right for the ‘team’, and in all sincerity the ‘team’ should come first.  Some I cannot make alone because I could be none the wiser and others are so obvious its amazing! 

It is easy to disregard consciously or unconsciously what your every day routine reflects on your spouse. You can tell a lot about a person by what they choose to do in the absence of their spouse. Sure, walk around naked ever so often, sing off tune in the shower , dance with the girls or ride with the boys….keep doing you to bring out the best in both of you. Let it not be for show that you hold hands, laugh heartly or talk to each other kindly. Let it be who you people are on and off the camera.

Your life does not seize being yours just because you choose to say ‘Yes/ I do’ it does however reflect on your better half. Relationships can be happy and marriage beautiful just choose to be…..

​OUR MONEY FACADE

The dictionary defines “Ours” as A form of the possessive case of WE.
With this in mind it is not unusual to assume that “our money” simply means joint custody or joint ownership. Everything that pertains to “Our money” should clearly fall under full disclosure ( I figure as much). Like a child ,said money needs nurturing, tendering and when let out to play the owners must be careful what kind of friends it makes lest it gets submerged in bad company or worse lost for good. It takes all parties to ensure that the do’s and don’ts as pertains to the money are adhered to. As enticing as it is to show off the money in terms of designer clothes, posh cars,  cool gadgets,happening hang out places, someone has to remember to leave some for the family home,children’s education and general necessities that sustain human life. Duh!

It is often misconstrued that “Our money “is a string to pull every time one party needs the other to tow the line,  amour every time there is a conflict , argument or discourse. The one bullet in the barrel that one is sure will cripple and maim. Now, all the goodies about “Our money” have been turned to a bull’s eye. One where the aim is predetermined and the cause and effect earth shuttering. 

One second plans of grandeur are not so absurd the next second visuals of withering and dying from hunger and homelessness are eminent. It sounds almost ridiculous but most couples reality. The bread winner goes out and wins the hell out of the breads, in efforts to “ grow my family”, only within the confines of their  walls it becomes gateway to “My way or the high way”. 

It  is said that even the loyal, hardworking donkey tires at some time. The bullet in the barrel could as easily become another case of “shooting yourself in the foot”. Money comes and money goes, once one realizes no one individual owns all the money in the world, disarming the armed becomes a possibility.

“Our money” remains ours even when we are using separate pillows, it does not become a hangman noose .  It’s ours or it was never ours to begin with.

 

HOW DO YOU KNOW WHO TO VOTE FOR?

 

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It is campaign period again, and with the onset of devolution more and more posts have been created giving room to more and more people to vie. Thus I took it upon myself to at least get to know one of the participants. It never hurts to make an informed decision (right?).

Seated across from me is a smartly dressed, talkative man and I could tell am in for quite a cup of tea.

Who is Samuel Ngugi Gachuhi?


Samuel was born in Kihara,Gachie. He is the  last born son to the late Stanley Gachuhi Kamau and the late  Racheal Muringa Wainaina. He attended Seventh Day Adventist church in  Karura where he learnt values he believes and upholds to date.It has been a while since I crossed paths with a person that speaks with so much conviction and very careful not to contradict himself or be misquoted. He schooled at Gachie Primary School (KCPE) and secondary education at  Senior Chief Koinange High school.

He had to battle various challenges growing up including lack of school fees thus firmly advocates for education for all, and the importance of raising an educated society. “Education is a fundamental human right and no child should be denied this opportunity due to funding” he says .
With determination and will to achieve no challenge is impossible to overcome, he later joined  Ihwa secondary school in Tetu Nyeri and successfully completed his secondary education.
When faced with an obstacle you can choose to let it pin you down or fight hard to change the situation. After secondary school joining college was not an option again due to limited funding, thus Ngugi took up early employment as a Florist in Westlands for a couple of years.He had an unquestionable  love for education was able to raise money and join University of Nairobi for a diploma in business management graduating with a distinction.
“You are only as resourceful as you deem yourself to be” he says, clearly this . Do not get too comfortable if you want something go for it, in  his search for greener pastures Ngugi sort  Southern Sudan  where he worked in different industries for over 5 years and as love would have it met his angelic wife (married in 2008). Together they are  blessed with three adorable children. (I saw the photos, they are really adorable )
East or west home is best, after coming back to Kenya he  became a business man in Machakos and Makueni county and later Nakuru county. He is a diverse man, even with flourishing business if he sees an opportunity to grow himself he pounces on it,in the year 2010 he was employed by Multichoice Kenya Limited and  joined Mt Kenya University for a bachelor of Business management (currently awaiting graduation).
His story is not one from fame to fortune but rather one of determination and the courage to take on the world, a day at a time. One thing that is evident about this man is; he is self driven , self aware and the kind of mentor we should expose to our children.
Currently  vying for the post of MCA KIHARA WARD and I have no doubt he is the change we talk about. Someone that has the vision to see Kihara flourish and so much so in education and employment for the youth.
He is not promising to move mountains over night but rather to work with and for the people to better Kihara.
#TeamNgugiGachuhi
#ItIsPossible