Tag Archives: choices

QUIET THE SILENCE

The silence woke her, it was never this quiet, where did it all go? Suddenly her surrounding is silent but the voices in her head too loud. 
The many faces, the many voices, the endless places and adventures all gone. All she has now is silence and it drives her insane. 

Startled, she rose from her mid day gaze at the television, something she once loved, how is it that the silence is so loud that she can’t even hear her favorite show….

Staring into nothingness wondering at what point  she lost herself in this manner. Was it the time she prioritized her child (put her before herself)?, No can’t be it, what mother would ever admit to loosing herself to her child. It’s what parenting is ….right? Their happiness and comfort before your own. That cannot be it….can it?

Maybe it’s when she packed her entire life, which surprisingly fit two suitcases and crossed rivers, crossed county boundaries , passed wildlife along the way all in efforts to be with her one true love, what else matters when you are to be with your “ever after”?, isn’t that the essence of life? (How is it that in this nothingness not even that picture seems worthwhile). Then again, that cannot be the point she lost herself, that was the point of clarity, where all the past was just that, the past, she was with whom she was meant to be with, the point she found herself for sure, or maybe she lost herself to a picture perfect forever, a picture.

It’s possible she lost herself trying to fit in, in these foreign waters. Foreign place with foreign practices and a clear urge to not stand  out. 

Maybe she wasn’t meant to fit in but stand out. This is her place now, she had to fit in, while struggling to, a lot went silent, her friends slowly became distant whispers , family became a place she showed how well she was , her will for adventure became the wishes of a child, the house that was meant to be a home became her prison.

 Everything is quiet everything except the prisoner in her mind. It is not clear at what point everything went silent, one this is clear though, the silence is too loud and it has woken her. Maybe tomorrow the voices will quiet down and she will regain herself.

Maybe tomorrow she will remember how it was, what it felt like to be alive, when words flowed freely, when writing wasn’t an escape rather an experience with every article, when a drink was to pass time with friends and not pass time so she isn’t too into her mind. Her mind is a dark place, a place she cannot bare be in alone, maybe tomorrow she will find the will to pick herself up from the trenches of her mind, put on a floral dress, red lipstick and comfy flip-flops, and just walk out the door.

The world is receptive, lock yourself in and it will all pass you by, open the door, smell the dust, take in the noise from all the buzz of activities around, the first step is getting ready, somewhere along the way , she will know where to go and how to get there. Well, finding a new spot to sit and stare at the laptop wondering how to write might just be her new beginning and free wifi never hurt anyone…..

Waiter: What will you be having?

Her: whiskey, neat.

And so it begins…

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CONSTANT CHOICES

She chose you once, ages ago, she chooses you again over and over.Not for what you do for her, not for what you are to her.She chooses you for what she is with you.She chooses you for what her world is without you.

Countless times she chose to let go, countless times she failed.Time and again she cried, tears of happiness, tears of anger and frustrations.She chooses to hold on, for even roses have thorns.

A simple perfect rose is all she has, it is all she needs.A rose she knows where all the thorns are and how deep they prick.A rose she can’t picture missing from her.
Enough times she’s arraigned herself in front of herself.Her own judge, jury and executioner

Wake up darling, time is up, this chapter is done,

No, this isn’t a chapter; it’s the whole damn book

This is not worth reading 

You are the writer, not the reader

It is what you say it is, put it down or change the plot.
She is a girl in love; she is a girl in love.She made her choice then and never regretted, not once, Well maybe when her love hurts, hurts so bad but still her love.So no, she has never regretted.This is not the once in a while kind of love.It’s the once in a lifetime kind of connection.
So she keeps choosing you, over and over

Because in the end …

FIND WHAT YOU LOVE AND LET IT KILL YOU

2016 IN REVIEW

“Even at your highest seek Him” 
Almost done with this calendar, going in I had resolutions and strategies. Honestly most didn’t make it to the second week.I got an early lesson in keeping the faith, living a day at a time and focusing on happiness- seems too simplistic now, but then it was a daunting task. 

Accepting your position does not necessarily mean dwelling on it or claiming it. It simply means you are not blind to your predicaments (if any) or happiness (if so, keep it up) . In my case it was the previous. Taking charge of my situation worked for me, looking back it is almost like a fantasy novel. 

The damsel in distress, went and saved herself. The unhappy, burdened mother learnt to accept help where necessary and enjoy motherhood. The girlfriend that felt unappreciated took a closer look into the mirror and identified the log. The struggling student, well still struggles because postgraduate ain’t no joke! But now with a working support system…😃😃

This year has by far been one for the record books for me. I’m now aware of who I am, who I want to be and above all who I believe in. Truly He is Lord of Lords. As we Celebrate Christmas let Christ be born in your heart.  Remember it’s about the birth of Christ not Santa sliding down the chimney…..

On Saying Yes

Once you close your eyes to the whirls of the world and understand your journey is only yours to forge, progress is inevitable. Saying ‘Yes’ is by far one of the best decisions one can make. Saying ‘Yes’ to the right person is Gods gift and His way of saying ‘You don’t have to face the world alone’.
I said ‘Yes’ after years of memory building,  fights, hugs ,smiles, kisses and a few tears and heartbreaks along the way. In light of all that he is still the one. 

Ours is not a hollywood love story rather it’s a story of two individuals who met ,loved each other and all through life’s curve balls and small wins choose each other day after day.

“It’s really not about the story of how you met but how you made it through” – moh

Hey I’m Maureen

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Loving your company is one thing. Doing away with the rest of the universes is another thing. There are those individuals that come and go , those that cross our path and with every possible outcome losing them is not an option….but as luck would have it, whether by fate or design they end up being distant memories. Doesn’t matter how many people come and go. How many stay just to leave a little ways  down the road, choosing to be an island is no way to live.
With every exit comes pain and eventually bliss. May sound naive and ‘self assuaring’ maybe it is truth is ,pain is not perpetual neither is feeling lost. People leave and in the same breath come.
Learning to accept that could deem to be a  daunting task but also very comforting. Who knows the next encounter might be the one generations to come make reference to when talking about ‘great encounters’.

Don’t be an island. Live don’t just exist!!

2016 AT A GLANCE

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I don’t do well with resolutions or the whole “new year new me” stuff. That’s not to say nothing needs to change. A lot does, if I can flick a switch no doubt I’d do a 180° turn. A complete overhaul, a total do over. Of course with a few things intact like the friends that stuck by me, family that remained true and lessons learnt so I don’t need the do over button again.

This year I channel all energy towards self growth and a solid foundation for my young family. In attempts to please many we lose sight of what matters. Career advancement is welcomed,but at what cost? The lavish lifestyle, the myriad likes on social media and the comfort of security don’t measure up to much if you have no one to share with.

So this year, all focus on those that matter. If that counts as a resolution then may it be one that redefines my take on them.

Happy new year to you all. May you realise your resolutions !!!!

IN THE HANDS OF A WOMAN

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don’t let them all fade away.

In the hands of a woman, the sun shines brighter,

All sense of reason her reasoning

All wonder in the world no longer worth exploring

And all your needs and desires “fulfilled”

Recognize her presence and thank your lucky stars for her

Worship her hands and the power they bestow

 

Where nuclear family becomes extended

In her hands, lies all the family you need

A unison decision (of course) coz how did you ever exist without her

In the hands of a woman, you are what she decides is best for you

 

Love deeply, love wisely and most importantly

Hold her hand, after all the burnt bridges

All you have is her hands and the belief that

All you did is what is best for you

 

In her, through her, long life friends are no longer worthy

Different opinions are battle grounds

Common grounds looked at with suspicion

Always guard up, always on the defensive

Yet without her, what a horrible life it would be

 

In the hands of a woman, lies unimaginable power

The head is the head, but it cannot move in any direction without the neck

She has you right where she wants you, making decisions but don’t forget

She is in charge!!!