It’s easy to get swamped with life and its intricacies once you take the leap to share your life with someone. More often than not I find myself staring at the mirror wondering if I recognize the person staring back. Other times I cannot get over how I have changed, from the individual who thought on linear basis , ” What are the repercussions to me?” (Most times I did it anyway) to someone who considers her partner, my life isn’t mine to gamble with, decisions not only impact me but my partner too.
Some decisions I hate but it’s what’s right for the ‘team’, and in all sincerity the ‘team’ should come first. Some I cannot make alone because I could be none the wiser and others are so obvious its amazing!
It is easy to disregard consciously or unconsciously what your every day routine reflects on your spouse. You can tell a lot about a person by what they choose to do in the absence of their spouse. Sure, walk around naked ever so often, sing off tune in the shower , dance with the girls or ride with the boys….keep doing you to bring out the best in both of you. Let it not be for show that you hold hands, laugh heartly or talk to each other kindly. Let it be who you people are on and off the camera.
Your life does not seize being yours just because you choose to say ‘Yes/ I do’ it does however reflect on your better half. Relationships can be happy and marriage beautiful just choose to be…..
The dictionary defines “Ours” as A form of the possessive case of WE.
With this in mind it is not unusual to assume that “our money” simply means joint custody or joint ownership. Everything that pertains to “Our money” should clearly fall under full disclosure ( I figure as much). Like a child ,said money needs nurturing, tendering and when let out to play the owners must be careful what kind of friends it makes lest it gets submerged in bad company or worse lost for good. It takes all parties to ensure that the do’s and don’ts as pertains to the money are adhered to. As enticing as it is to show off the money in terms of designer clothes, posh cars, cool gadgets,happening hang out places, someone has to remember to leave some for the family home,children’s education and general necessities that sustain human life. Duh!
It is often misconstrued that “Our money “is a string to pull every time one party needs the other to tow the line, amour every time there is a conflict , argument or discourse. The one bullet in the barrel that one is sure will cripple and maim. Now, all the goodies about “Our money” have been turned to a bull’s eye. One where the aim is predetermined and the cause and effect earth shuttering.
One second plans of grandeur are not so absurd the next second visuals of withering and dying from hunger and homelessness are eminent. It sounds almost ridiculous but most couples reality. The bread winner goes out and wins the hell out of the breads, in efforts to “ grow my family”, only within the confines of their walls it becomes gateway to “My way or the high way”.
It is said that even the loyal, hardworking donkey tires at some time. The bullet in the barrel could as easily become another case of “shooting yourself in the foot”. Money comes and money goes, once one realizes no one individual owns all the money in the world, disarming the armed becomes a possibility.
“Our money” remains ours even when we are using separate pillows, it does not become a hangman noose . It’s ours or it was never ours to begin with.
Once you close your eyes to the whirls of the world and understand your journey is only yours to forge, progress is inevitable. Saying ‘Yes’ is by far one of the best decisions one can make. Saying ‘Yes’ to the right person is Gods gift and His way of saying ‘You don’t have to face the world alone’.
I said ‘Yes’ after years of memory building, fights, hugs ,smiles, kisses and a few tears and heartbreaks along the way. In light of all that he is still the one.
Ours is not a hollywood love story rather it’s a story of two individuals who met ,loved each other and all through life’s curve balls and small wins choose each other day after day.
“It’s really not about the story of how you met but how you made it through” – moh
It never occurred to me that a time would come when my heart would literally be yanked out of my body . Leaving hurt I can’t wish on my worst enemy. The love of a child is something one can explain only through experience.
Trying to lengthen that leash and widening the child’s circle is not an easy task. Everyday I woke up to her face, every night I fell asleep with her tucked tight next to me.
Tonight she is miles away with her grandparents.She is in excellent care but I keep tossing and turning and wondering how can she be so OK when separation anxiety is driving me crazy. How can I be this ball of emotion when it’s evident how greatly I appreciate my own grandparents and time spent with them.
We would love to always be with them but it is important for children to learn and know their heritage , know where they come from and learn to cope with different surroundings. It’s vital that they experience a diverse view of the world . It will not be easy letting go but ,”No man is an island.”
Tonight I toss and turn , tomorrow when we talk on the phone she will have a story for me. Story of how different things are where she is, what excited her , what she didn’t like , what she didn’t understand and I will rest easier knowing she is OK and at least grasping something different from her norm.
It takes a village to raise a child, no matter where we are in life ,the fundamental/core values will always be traced back to where we come from and who better to help instill those values than the ones who instilled them in us?
It never occured to her that her belief in love was all figment of her imagination. The trust that , ‘What you give, you will receive ten fold’…sweet, when you think of it , only what is received is sometimes insurmountable. Give with no prospects of receiving or at least give with no regard of receiving what you gave…..(makes sense right?)
He was hers and she carried him everywhere, wherever she was he wasn’t far behind if not beside her. They completed each others sentences and spoke the same language. He was it for her, without him she was all thorns and no rose.
Now she has to learn to be herself by herself and for herself. She has to learn to smell the roses alone and enjoy the world nontheless. She has to curve a route and follow through if she is to be better.
“What’s dead may never die”, she knows what love feels like and what it doesn’t. Now she has to give it to herself and accept to receive it from herself……..
“Be happy alone, happy together or even both just don’t be the reason she/he wants to be happy alone. “- moh
For a moment there she was his and he was hers. Unquestionable truth, it was known. They were the best version they could be, effortlessly happy, tried and tested and with each passing adventure the isle drew closer.
They picked their colors and dreamt of their day before man and God professing their truth. They chose the napkins and decided on the shades and shapes …..blissful.
Then the devil came in. Happiness became like chasing the wind. The dream a distant glare. She tried to hold on, as much as the strength within allowed her, he fought for the days past and the hope of an effortless tomorrow. All to no avail.
They had become so comfortable in their universe and gave no regard to the evil lingering, plotting, strategizing and eventually striking. They loved so hard that went it cracked, it instantly broke. They dreamt and forgot to shield their love.
Loving your company is one thing. Doing away with the rest of the universes is another thing. There are those individuals that come and go , those that cross our path and with every possible outcome losing them is not an option….but as luck would have it, whether by fate or design they end up being distant memories. Doesn’t matter how many people come and go. How many stay just to leave a little ways down the road, choosing to be an island is no way to live.
With every exit comes pain and eventually bliss. May sound naive and ‘self assuaring’ maybe it is truth is ,pain is not perpetual neither is feeling lost. People leave and in the same breath come.
Learning to accept that could deem to be a daunting task but also very comforting. Who knows the next encounter might be the one generations to come make reference to when talking about ‘great encounters’.