Tag Archives: faith

2016 IN REVIEW

“Even at your highest seek Him” 
Almost done with this calendar, going in I had resolutions and strategies. Honestly most didn’t make it to the second week.I got an early lesson in keeping the faith, living a day at a time and focusing on happiness- seems too simplistic now, but then it was a daunting task. 

Accepting your position does not necessarily mean dwelling on it or claiming it. It simply means you are not blind to your predicaments (if any) or happiness (if so, keep it up) . In my case it was the previous. Taking charge of my situation worked for me, looking back it is almost like a fantasy novel. 

The damsel in distress, went and saved herself. The unhappy, burdened mother learnt to accept help where necessary and enjoy motherhood. The girlfriend that felt unappreciated took a closer look into the mirror and identified the log. The struggling student, well still struggles because postgraduate ain’t no joke! But now with a working support system…😃😃

This year has by far been one for the record books for me. I’m now aware of who I am, who I want to be and above all who I believe in. Truly He is Lord of Lords. As we Celebrate Christmas let Christ be born in your heart.  Remember it’s about the birth of Christ not Santa sliding down the chimney…..

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NOW Vs THEN

It’s easy to get swamped with life and its intricacies once  you take the leap to share your life with someone. More often than not I find myself staring at the mirror wondering if I recognize the person staring back. Other times I cannot get over how I have changed, from the individual who thought on linear basis , ” What are the repercussions to me?” (Most times I did it anyway) to someone who considers her partner, my life isn’t mine to gamble with, decisions not only impact me but my partner too. 

Some decisions I hate but it’s what’s right for the ‘team’, and in all sincerity the ‘team’ should come first.  Some I cannot make alone because I could be none the wiser and others are so obvious its amazing! 

It is easy to disregard consciously or unconsciously what your every day routine reflects on your spouse. You can tell a lot about a person by what they choose to do in the absence of their spouse. Sure, walk around naked ever so often, sing off tune in the shower , dance with the girls or ride with the boys….keep doing you to bring out the best in both of you. Let it not be for show that you hold hands, laugh heartly or talk to each other kindly. Let it be who you people are on and off the camera.

Your life does not seize being yours just because you choose to say ‘Yes/ I do’ it does however reflect on your better half. Relationships can be happy and marriage beautiful just choose to be…..

On Saying Yes

Once you close your eyes to the whirls of the world and understand your journey is only yours to forge, progress is inevitable. Saying ‘Yes’ is by far one of the best decisions one can make. Saying ‘Yes’ to the right person is Gods gift and His way of saying ‘You don’t have to face the world alone’.
I said ‘Yes’ after years of memory building,  fights, hugs ,smiles, kisses and a few tears and heartbreaks along the way. In light of all that he is still the one. 

Ours is not a hollywood love story rather it’s a story of two individuals who met ,loved each other and all through life’s curve balls and small wins choose each other day after day.

“It’s really not about the story of how you met but how you made it through” – moh

WHEN THE DOUBT IN YOU IS GREATER THAN THE FAITH IN YOU

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It’s 11.15 pm. We just got off a very uncomfortable four hour bus ride, and we still have a 300km drive to look forward to. Naturally, I am exhausted  and hungry. All that I want is food and the embrace of my bed, but we are in the middle of nowhere so neither is an option. We get to the car and like he always does, he goes round it to inspect the tyres, returns with a grim look on his face to announce that the front tyres are almost flat. Driving late into the night, on a meandering road with barely inflated tyres can be quiet scary. At this point I am more than glad to just park the car at a gas station and fall  asleep, worry about it in the morning, but even that is not a viable option seeing as the place is so deserted we would be sitting ducks.
So we decide to risk it, start the journey hoping to find a petrol station that is open and has a functional pressure pump.

First station, pump is broken, but they direct us to a nearby station, so my hope is not beat.

Second Station, pump is broken, I begin to despair.

Third station, no pump at all. Now I am really losing my cool. ‘This can’t be happening to us. I just cannot deal with this right now. We are probably going to be attacked, raped and killed in no particular order out here’ – when my mind goes on a rampage, scary territory!!  How is he so calm? Does he not see our sadistically painful deaths slowly beckoning us?

Fourth station, they have a pump but they have about 10, 22-wheeler petroleum tankers blocking it, and yes, they are parked for the night, their drivers being the reason we can’t get a room anywhere in this God forsaken town. We drive out the station quietly, but deep inside I am on the verge of a nervous breakdown. I am too pretty to die like this. This is not how I pictured I would be going out.

Fifth Station, at this point I am not even trying to hope for something.  He rolls up to the pump, gets out of the car and goes to try. I have my eyes closed and my face facing the roof of the car praying to the God of Ann Waiguru to grant us some of that undeserved favour . He returns to the car, it doesn’t work. I can feel tears building up, so I ask him, what the next move is, he says, with all the certainty in his voice, “we keep going”.

Sixth Station. This is not even a station, it looks like a kerosene pump in the middle of nowhere. Only one pump,  one guard and somewhat of a pressure pump at the far end. Instantly, I disregard it, advised him to not bother and just drive off into the unknown. “This just might be it”…a silent, hopeful voice came through. He parked just beside the pump , got out and tested it. True to his words. That was it!!! After 6 attempts, a hopeless co-driver..the proverbial silver lining!

Got our tires fixed, breathed a sigh of relief and drove off more confident than ever. Through out the rest of the way we pointed out all the various ways things could have gone wrong 🙂

When your faith fails, but you have someone unwavering in hope it’s a beautiful thing. We overcame because he didn’t loose hope. I wish I could have his optimism and his desire to keep going.

Well, it’s a year of change and am certainly taking notes and learning how to self improve and be a little more resilient and courageous.

Next time you are on a dark, windy , foreign route…keep the faith it will see you through. It doesn’t matter how impossible it may seem just don’t tap out…..

A WIN AT A TIME

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Why bother?
Why fight on?
Why keep on when quitting is so much easier?
Well only you know WHY! Only you know why quitting isn’t an option though the thought is a constant thorn. When all forces seem to work against you, why fight back? I find myself in this position many a times and in every instance I find myself making different decisions. Sometimes I lose ,but eventually (seconds later) slap myself and get back on the horse. Only I know quitting is not an option. If you start then by every breathe in you keep at it!!

IT’S NOT OVER UNTIL THE FAT LADY SINGS…. too bad she is on a diet :).
So fight on until you say it’s over.

STILL

Far from a fairy tale
Even farther from the end
A torturous terrain
A plateau void of emotion
Yet, only place I’d rather be

Hardly any surprises
Hardly any expectations
In light of all these
Still the only place I’d rather be

Once my safe net
Once my holy grail
Memories of days past
Hope of flourish again and
So, it remains
The place I’d rather be

If it was once, it will be again
If the will is there, there will be a way
Through it all, still the only one I’d rather be with

Thoughts become things

LIVE IT UP

a place to call home
a place to call home

I asked and I received, sought and found and now the sky truly is the limit. For the longest time I never felt like I belonged, always on the move seeking for a place to belong. Sure growing up and to date I have a place in my parents’ home, I had a glorious love filled childhood but for some time got to a place I felt lost.

All round my peers are making ground breaking achievements and here I was wasting away, everything I touched broke, business didn’t work as I hoped, relationships felt more like constrains and all I had was the stare my child gives me, like I’m invincible, I can do everything, I know everything. If only she could see how broken I am.

I went down on my knees and sought for a purpose, something to make me feel alive again, and truly there is a place for everyone on the open road. We don’t all blossom at the rate, we don’t all have it together. But for everything under the sun there is a purpose, for everything there is a season and a reason. Patience hasn’t always been my best trait, it’s a humble lesson life has taught me, now the sky is the limit, the opportunities ahead can only be limited by my imagination , the possibilities are immense and the joy to finally belong immeasurable.

Whatever the journey, the pain, the struggle. It can be conquered, I have found that I am my strongest when I am down on my knees. It doesn’t matter what happens around you but what happens within you. How you choose to process that around you, whether it will motivate you to better yourself or propel you on a down ward spiral of self-distraction and harsh criticism. I keep saying if the picture and the vision is clear in your head, don’t give up!!!!!

Details of my adventure will be shared in coming posts….

“I never really gave up on breaking out of this two-star town, I got the green light, I got a little fight , I’m gonna turn this thing around”- Read my mind (Killers)