Tag Archives: lifestyle

NOW Vs THEN

It’s easy to get swamped with life and its intricacies once  you take the leap to share your life with someone. More often than not I find myself staring at the mirror wondering if I recognize the person staring back. Other times I cannot get over how I have changed, from the individual who thought on linear basis , ” What are the repercussions to me?” (Most times I did it anyway) to someone who considers her partner, my life isn’t mine to gamble with, decisions not only impact me but my partner too. 

Some decisions I hate but it’s what’s right for the ‘team’, and in all sincerity the ‘team’ should come first.  Some I cannot make alone because I could be none the wiser and others are so obvious its amazing! 

It is easy to disregard consciously or unconsciously what your every day routine reflects on your spouse. You can tell a lot about a person by what they choose to do in the absence of their spouse. Sure, walk around naked ever so often, sing off tune in the shower , dance with the girls or ride with the boys….keep doing you to bring out the best in both of you. Let it not be for show that you hold hands, laugh heartly or talk to each other kindly. Let it be who you people are on and off the camera.

Your life does not seize being yours just because you choose to say ‘Yes/ I do’ it does however reflect on your better half. Relationships can be happy and marriage beautiful just choose to be…..

SINKING SHIP

For a moment there she was his and he was hers. Unquestionable truth, it was known. They were the best version they could be, effortlessly happy, tried and tested and with each passing adventure the isle drew closer.

They picked their colors and dreamt of their day before man and God professing their truth. They chose the napkins and decided on the shades and shapes …..blissful.

Then the devil came in. Happiness became like chasing the wind. The dream a distant glare. She tried to hold on, as much as the strength within allowed her, he fought for the days past and the hope of an effortless tomorrow. All to no avail.

They had become so comfortable in their universe and gave no regard to the evil lingering, plotting, strategizing and eventually striking. They loved so hard that went it cracked, it instantly broke. They dreamt and forgot to shield their love.

She was his now she is hers.

THE ART OF BULLSHITTING

I understand the urge to bullshit…fit in… and the cautionary tale of ‘fake it till you make it’. What I seem to be boggled with is the desire to have an accomplice. The undeniable need of needing someone to justify your ‘faking it’.

May it be a slight misrepresentation on a résumé. There has to be a referee to back it up. A new attraction, got to have a best friend to speak on your untamed awesomeness etc.
Then there is the one that totally feels like a hostile take over, you are almost compelled to stand by whatever ‘bullshit’ is served. Have to come across as a united front….right? Marriage…..relationship…. 😕 (your till death/divorce / next fling co-conspirator)

I’m an absolute believer in dreaming beyond your wildest dreams phenomenon and the school of thought of aiming for the stars just to land on the moon. It’s all well and good until you start believing the ‘bullshit’ you are serving. Trying to sell to the very person that covers your nakedness probably not a genius idea.  Don’t eat your own supply…..

Once it goes to your head to a point you can’t tell reality from make belief , probably the right stage to pull over the chuchu train and re-strategize. Forgetting the whole purpose of the ‘bullshit’ and just taking it to be your truth doesn’t automatically make it so. Sustaining it may look doable but that’s bullshit too😎.

Keep your ‘bullshit’ believable to some extent. Once the car, house, make belief career growth, wardrobe and what not is stripped down at least let your relationship (read reference) be stable. That one person that can blow your house of cards should at least be on the same thinking level as you….(if there is such a thing).

MORNING AFTER THE GLORIOUS WHITE DRESS

I want a marriage more beautiful than the wedding
I want a marriage more beautiful than the wedding

Looking forward to the day you are the princess and your prince waiting on your beck and call is all so magical, but before you pick out your something new, something blue and something borrowed, kindly be sure you are content with waking up to that face every morning “till death” or well in today’s world divorce.

We will avail ourselves for the pomp n glam of the day. We will put on our dancing shoes and in the words of the great R.Kelly “come out and step, the whole night through”, we will critic every aspect of your picture perfect day down to toothpicks. Then afterwards, tired from all the dancing, jealous stares and genuine love for the new couple in town get into our owned, borrowed and hired cars and drift into infinity.

Make sure, two days down the line you are okay sharing a bathroom and being in each other’s bubble.  After the cheers, balloons and additional calories from all the extra delicious cake make sure that he/she is still the one.

Not just the one that looked irresistible that one time, but the one your heart yearns for, the one you choose above all others and the one your mom knows takes first position. This person is now your nuclear family both from without and from within.

The wedding is just an occasion the marriage is your life. They say marriage is the smallest form of prison, make sure you get along with your cell mate.

And with that said,  a toast to true love and happily ever after.

SOMEWHAT LIFELESS?…. RE-ENERGIZE

find that which you love and let it kill you
find that which you love and let it kill you

I don’t write for the sake of writing, I write that which I feel , that which I feel the need to let out of my chest, and right now  after days of silence I finally can say this.

It’s ok to be tired, tired of your thoughts, everything doesn’t have to make sense all at once, take 10 seconds at a time, after those run out, refresh and take another 10. Before you know it everything you need and want will unfold in its appropriate time.

It’s ok to want some time-out, it might feel a bit unselfish but once you find yourself snapping at the cat, it’s time to take a chill pill and reconnect with yourself, so long as there is no blood, the house is not on fire and nobody needs your kidney, honey please, chill!!!

Planning is advised but keep in mind plans change, and that’s ok, we don’t always anticipate all the outcomes, so when a “not so ideal” situation arises, refrain from plucking your eyebrows, brace for the impact and bounce back as soon as possible.

At the end of it all, a tired woman is not a pleasant sight and an even lesser good company for anyone

Time to get up, dress up and rock the world once again….

 

5 simple rules for a good night sleep

Enjoy loving and being loved
Enjoy loving and being loved

Enjoy your Sex

It doesn’t matter if you are 22, 38 or 75. Nobody should be confined in a sexually dissatisfying relationship. Don’t be rigid about it, teach your mate what you love, it’s called making love for a reason, have fun and connect with each other, and eventually break out the freak within, after that the evening /weekend stroll will be so relaxing

Trust

Be confident that you are the one. Be confident in what you share and let each other thrive within and without your union. I get the “two become one” phrase but that doesn’t mean being conjoint at the hip. Keep a piece of yourself to yourself, do the things you loved to do before the union, maybe include your partner , but be confident that as you keep making yourself happy, your partner is at ease with you doing you. Create an environment where it is cool for him to go out with the boys without you going all CIA on his stuff, and you can enjoy your book club without him thinking its code for crazy night out with God knows who.

Chase your goals and dream

Strive to accomplish your life goals and dreams. Just because you are bound by love, or whatever you convince yourself is joining you, do not mean you should give up on your dreams. It would be damn near magical if you shared your experiences with the love of your life, find that balance where you achieve it all next to each other, then they won’t be stories told but experiences shared.

You are not a jar of nutella

No one is capable of being perfect all the time. You cannot please everyone, sometimes even pleasing yourself is a problem. So love the flaws in each other and embrace the diversity in your union. Black Pepper is hot and to some it’s sweeter than honey. So learn to accommodate and to appreciate the beauty in being different. Keep around a jar of nutella for when it gets to rough. That stuff solves all problems……

And lastly,

Always remember why you chose each other, challenges will always be there, keep in mind why he/she is the one