It never occurred to me that a time would come when my heart would literally be yanked out of my body . Leaving hurt I can’t wish on my worst enemy. The love of a child is something one can explain only through experience.
Trying to lengthen that leash and widening the child’s circle is not an easy task. Everyday I woke up to her face, every night I fell asleep with her tucked tight next to me.
Tonight she is miles away with her grandparents.She is in excellent care but I keep tossing and turning and wondering how can she be so OK when separation anxiety is driving me crazy. How can I be this ball of emotion when it’s evident how greatly I appreciate my own grandparents and time spent with them.
We would love to always be with them but it is important for children to learn and know their heritage , know where they come from and learn to cope with different surroundings. It’s vital that they experience a diverse view of the world . It will not be easy letting go but ,”No man is an island.”
Tonight I toss and turn , tomorrow when we talk on the phone she will have a story for me. Story of how different things are where she is, what excited her , what she didn’t like , what she didn’t understand and I will rest easier knowing she is OK and at least grasping something different from her norm.
It takes a village to raise a child, no matter where we are in life ,the fundamental/core values will always be traced back to where we come from and who better to help instill those values than the ones who instilled them in us?
I recently found myself going through photos on my computer, and to my shock and delight, discovered I have 70 GB worth of baby pictures and clips. What caught my eye though, is in most of the pictures my Kourtney is hardly ever alone.
My baby is always smiling and there always are cheerful faces next to her. There is always a warm hug and a clear show of affection for her. I am pleased that Kourtney is surrounded by family and friends that love and appreciate her. I can’t help but be thankful. We meet people along the way and we do not give credit to the impact they have in our lives.
The guy at the coffee shop you share a smile with, perhaps he provides that positivity that you so desperately need to start off your day, or it could be the mother with her kids on the evening bus home, there is never a dull moment around kids, just the distraction gets you over a long day.
Scrolling through these photos I can’t help but smile, some people I saw, only I didn’t know that would be the last time I ever saw them. I am glad they graced mine and my daughter’s life. That one picture will be proof that on that day that person cared enough to spend their time with us.
We lose people along the way its normal, its expected but it doesn’t make the loss any less painful, and it doesn’t make missing them any less real.
Looking at all the evident memories over the years, the change is evident. I have transitioned from receiving hugs and kisses to giving them. I have gone from being cheered up to cheering those around me. I wasn’t aware of how much I have amassed over time, it’s a good reminder that though at times I feel as though I fall short, every second I get to be with her is cherished and well documented.
To all we meet on our journey through life, to those that become permanent fixtures and to those whom we lose along the way and to those we reconnect with, the pleasure of crossing paths is greatly welcomed.
Memories are made of these!!!
70 GB and counting, life is for the living