It’s easy to get swamped with life and its intricacies once you take the leap to share your life with someone. More often than not I find myself staring at the mirror wondering if I recognize the person staring back. Other times I cannot get over how I have changed, from the individual who thought on linear basis , ” What are the repercussions to me?” (Most times I did it anyway) to someone who considers her partner, my life isn’t mine to gamble with, decisions not only impact me but my partner too.
Some decisions I hate but it’s what’s right for the ‘team’, and in all sincerity the ‘team’ should come first. Some I cannot make alone because I could be none the wiser and others are so obvious its amazing!
It is easy to disregard consciously or unconsciously what your every day routine reflects on your spouse. You can tell a lot about a person by what they choose to do in the absence of their spouse. Sure, walk around naked ever so often, sing off tune in the shower , dance with the girls or ride with the boys….keep doing you to bring out the best in both of you. Let it not be for show that you hold hands, laugh heartly or talk to each other kindly. Let it be who you people are on and off the camera.
Your life does not seize being yours just because you choose to say ‘Yes/ I do’ it does however reflect on your better half. Relationships can be happy and marriage beautiful just choose to be…..
I understand the urge to bullshit…fit in… and the cautionary tale of ‘fake it till you make it’. What I seem to be boggled with is the desire to have an accomplice. The undeniable need of needing someone to justify your ‘faking it’.
May it be a slight misrepresentation on a résumé. There has to be a referee to back it up. A new attraction, got to have a best friend to speak on your untamed awesomeness etc.
Then there is the one that totally feels like a hostile take over, you are almost compelled to stand by whatever ‘bullshit’ is served. Have to come across as a united front….right? Marriage…..relationship…. 😕 (your till death/divorce / next fling co-conspirator)
I’m an absolute believer in dreaming beyond your wildest dreams phenomenon and the school of thought of aiming for the stars just to land on the moon. It’s all well and good until you start believing the ‘bullshit’ you are serving. Trying to sell to the very person that covers your nakedness probably not a genius idea. Don’t eat your own supply…..
Once it goes to your head to a point you can’t tell reality from make belief , probably the right stage to pull over the chuchu train and re-strategize. Forgetting the whole purpose of the ‘bullshit’ and just taking it to be your truth doesn’t automatically make it so. Sustaining it may look doable but that’s bullshit too😎.
Keep your ‘bullshit’ believable to some extent. Once the car, house, make belief career growth, wardrobe and what not is stripped down at least let your relationship (read reference) be stable. That one person that can blow your house of cards should at least be on the same thinking level as you….(if there is such a thing).
Thank you for crossing my path
Thank you for letting me witness your glory, just enough to keep me interested. Then yanking it away like death in the night.
Thank you for walking me right down the path I ‘desired’ knowing it’s a facade. Knowing it was far from your reality but…why not ? Why not sample the ‘deserted road’? Who knows it just might spring new light….right?
Thankyou for the clarification. No , I don’t desire approval rather acceptance. Don’t desire to be deceived . Thankyou for the hurt, too bad I chose the exit before the water works debut.
Thank you I am better despite of you not because of you. Thankyou my heart left intact, scratched but fine.
Lets see how well reversed roles play out. Careful not to be schooled by the wreck you leave in your wake.
How do you tell the one you had sworn to be with that you no longer share their view? How do you hold the hands that once were your comfort zone just to share the last goodbye? How in God’s name do you take back your vows and accept the inevitable?
The face that was once your sunrise and sunset, the beat your heart skipped, that one in a lifetime kind of person, is now your source of grief.
We may learn to accept it as the new normal, learn to live on moments and borrowed gratitude, but am sure life is made of so much more. The kind of love you shared should tell you if it is worth fighting for or if it is a dead horse that just needs to be buried. Are you together because of the very same reasons that brought you together or because of the circumstances that now bind you together? Convenience and security should be among the very last reasons that people stay together.
I think we should go back and ask ourselves if what we once shared is worth holding on for even if time has made it unfamiliar to us now.
I think that for as long as we are together, we should grow and evolve together in order to be able to understand and accommodate each other.
I wish it was possible for us to turn time back and go back to that sweet spot when the grass was green and the skies were clear. When the reasons for holding on, weren’t countered by a million reasons why we should let go. When all you wanted was to make popcorn and cuddle over a movie you both hate.
It takes more strength to admit to ourselves that we have failed than it does to just weather the storm and pray a silver lining will be kind enough. It takes faith and trust that the one is still the one, and we don’t need to travel back into time as what was still is.
As long as you still share a bed, you still bear the title, and as long as the title is yours, the decision is also yours of whether you wear it proudly and happily, or sadly and miserably….
IT’S NOT TOO LATE TO BRING IT BACK, IT’S NEVER TOO LATE